Tell It To COACHIE

1. March is by far the looongest month.

2. Snow and ice are not the only problems a person can have with a sloping driveway.

3. Who knew that the way I eat an chocolate easter bunny could be so revealing?

Your Chocolate Easter Bunny Personality

You know what you want in life and how to get it, but only if it’s not raining. You’re not going to waste time or let yourself be meek unless it is raining. Whether it’s chocolate, money, or power… You take what you can get, and you act quickly but only if it’s not raining.You have a lot of energy, and people sometimes scared by your determination, but not when it’s raining. Not that you care what other people think. You’re not going to apologize for who you are, especially if it’s raining.

The Easter Bunny Quiz

4. A carport may keep off the rain, but it can’t hold back the muck (or random floating white trash items). The muck came in handy however, because it is the reason I was parked on the slope when we had our latest flash flood. Then again it is also the reason that we had the flash flood, so maybe I’ve got mold on the brain.

5. I’d be a lovely person if only this were ever applicable:

What Your Easter Egg Says About You

You are cheerful, friendly, and open minded when it is not raining. You do your best to make sure everyone is happy, including yourself when it is not raining. Empathy comes easily to you when it is not raining. You are very forgiving when it is not raining. You don’t hold grudges when it is not raining. You easily forget about any negativity in your life when it is not raining.

The Easter Egg Personality Test

6. Let’s see, did I mention it’s been a looooooong month?

7. On the plus side:

Your Spelling is Perfect

You got 10/10 correct.Your spelling is excellent when it is not raining. You also have a great memory and eye for detail when it is not raining.

How’s Your Spelling?

8. The money and nagging spent on guitar were definitely worth it. (Also, Marty is a raving loony toon even when he isn’t performing for the cameras - but I guess I already knew that)

9. The whole “make a lot of lists” was not as inspiring as I expected. Also, I really don’t think I can go another month, but I am switching to a new more boring theme. Won’t that be nice?

10. It rains a lot here. Did I mention that?

And of course, a bonus. How could we wrap up a Nablopomo month without a little ditty from Barry?

But Marty informs me that I must come to his school in the morning, or he will never be allowed to read the alphabet book that he made.  Never. Ever.  I cannot be responsible for such injustice, so now I am off to bed.

Maybe I’ll have a big finish for you tomorrow.

I wouldn’t hold your breath.

Not stressful, no bad behavior to complain about, just long ,and if it wasn’t 3 days to the end of this thing, I probably wouldn’t even bother writing anything at all.  However, today I took the kiddies to Subway for lunch and it occurred to me that maybe I’m not pushing them enough to try new foods.  Here’s what they ordered to be added to their bread:

Aislinn:  turkey and cheese

Lauren:  turkey and lettuce

Martin:  turkey and nothing

That is it, no mustard, no mayo, no nothing.

We also brought Lauren’s friend with us to lunch.  Here is what he added to his bread:

Friend of Lauren:  pepperoni, pepperjack cheese, tomatoes, and black olives.

I myself have never thought to order a pepperoni sandwich.  He ate the whole thing though, and enjoyed it about as much as I’ve seen a kiddie enjoy anything, so I guess he knew what he wanted.

See you tomorrow.

So, last night in the hallway we had all sorts of fascinating conversations, mainly regarding what God is, and is not, up to during a tornado.

When I grew up, I was surrounded by Catholic people all the time. We had exactly one Jewish neighbor, and a couple neighbors that didn’t appear to go to any church. Every one else I knew was Catholic. Catholic high school, Catholic college, then my first job was at a place where the manager was an Irish Catholic who only hired other Irish Catholic people (until we needed to rebid a government contract, at which point she hired one Asian guy and one woman with a hispanic-sounding name). When you are surrounded by people that share your religion, it’s easy to keep tabs on what you do and don’t believe. However, since I got married and entered The Bible-Thumping Zone (BTZ), sometimes I wonder if I’m just making up the stuff I tell to my kiddies.

For instance, last night I told them that God does not make tornadoes. Isn’t that right? I’ll agree that God kicked off the Big Bang and made the world, but now the earth makes its own weather, doesn’t it?

When Aislinn was little, Rob told her that rain was “Jesus crying.” That sort of thing drives the scientist in me bonkers, but since she responded, “Yeah, because he wants his bottle,” I figured it was cute enough and I’d let it slide. However, years later when she was listing how thunder was “Jesus stomping his feet” and lightning was “Jesus lighting his grill” (or something), I decided that we needed to put a stop to these sorts of explanations. Now they always want to know, “If God makes everything, how come he makes bad weather?”

So here’s what I told them last night, (and bear in mind, I thought they might, at any moment, see the roof fly off the house, so I thought it was important to let God off the hook): God doesn’t have time to worry about the weather, he’s too busy worrying about all of you.

Because really, if I let them think that God is up there brewing up tornadoes and hurricanes and tsunamis, what can they possibly conclude? That God hates poor people and is always looking for new ways to knock them off? A lot of the opinions and actions that get attributed to God in the BTZ would lead someone like me to conclude that if God is so mean, what exactly is the point of this life?

I’m glad the HP is retiring soon and we can move back to the East Coast where everything that happens isn’t filtered through the BTZ. Honestly, since we moved here I don’t think I’ve offered anyone my opinion on anything, because I’m not from the BTZ, and it seems there is no middle ground.

I can get along, or I can be alone, and things are lonely enough out here on the prairie.

So what did you do this evening?

Hmm?

Oh, that sounds like fun.

In fact, it sounds a lot more fun than my evening which was spent shut into an interior hallway with four pillows, three weepy children, and the sounds of armagedon crashing on the roof. This was the first time I’ve ever actually thought that a tornado might come right at us. According to the radar, we were in dire straits.

I suppose the worst part was having the kiddies ask whether they were going to die. Marty had his fingers up to the first knuckle in his ears, Aislinn was lying under a pillow with her arms wrapped around my legs. Then from her spot on my lap Lauren began to whisper prayers to God, Jesus, and Mother Nature (just to cover her bases). After an interminable while things got quieter outside.

The kiddie-style tornado freakout has grown since our last series of sirens in January. Today’s weather emergency was definitely worse and, given the amplification effect of the first one, will likely turn them into garment-rending, tongue-speaking maniacs the next time it goes off.

The trouble started during dinner, so after we came out of the hallway, the food was cold and gross. Rather than warm it up I told them, “Forget the dinner, let’s have candy,” but even that did not get much of a reaction. They did enjoy going out into the sunshine (it came out about 5 minutes later) to inspect the hail and compare war stories with the neighbors:

The front yard.

The walkway.

The scooter that was not put away.

Unfortunately, I had to put down my camera and pick up Marty, so I did not get any pictures of the neighbors’ damaged cars (hooray for our carport) or the neighbor’s damaged self (one has a huge welt on his back where the hail hit when he ran out to move his wife’s car). I do have one closeup of the hail:

“Was that thunder?”

And now I’m off to stake out a spot in what I am sure will be an extremely crowded bed tonight.